Current weight: 285
Current mood: discouraged but hopeful (all angles here!)
My Atkins experiment showed me something about myself, something I am actually proud of. One of my biggest failings in that diet was my mental refusal to accept a diet that limited vegetables and cut out fruit. I have taken class after class about the human body and its needs, and every example of health has included a diet high in vegetables and fruits because the body is more readily able to use vitamins and minerals it gets from dietary intake as opposed to supplements. One of the biggest problems with multivitamins and supplements is that they are often made of starchy, chalky compounds that sometimes do not entirely digest in your system, and they will come out whole again. So there is not a good way to know if you are getting the good stuff you are trying to put in there unless you get it the natural way.
So what this means to me is that, yes, I do have the ability to eat right. I have the instincts, not as dulled as I thought by years of Ben & Jerry's, to know what is best for my body. And I actually like those foods. I miss them in their absence. I did not find myself craving carbs as I thought I would. I assumed I was too Southern to tolerate many meals without bread on the side. But I surprised myself. I missed mango and yogurt and blueberries and strawberries and cantaloupe and fat-free milk. Perhaps it was a sweet tooth disguising itself as "The Voice of Reason" but I will take it. I think that no matter how you cut it, my body was trying to prove something to me.
I got the message.
Back to calorie counting. I know, it's a pain, and it's restrictive, but it makes sense to teach myself better habits by learning what low-cal foods I love and how much is enough. It makes sense to have more freedom to choose my foods. It makes more sense to get my nutrients and fiber from my foods.
So, second verse, same as the first...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
What I Learned from Dr Atkins
I know, I know... I have been gone too long. I offer no excuses. But I will say that my self-flagellation in my absence was worse than anything you could have devised for me. I spent the summer having knee surgery, cracking my ribs in a spectacular ATV accident, burying my father, and experiencing commensurate emotional turmoil. In short, I spent the summer stress eating.
Current weight: 283. Considering the above, I am not too upset about that.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that a handful of the pounds I do not currently weigh were lost during a flirtation with the Atkins diet. One of my doctors suggested Atkins as a way to progress on my weight loss, and I went immediately to the bookstore, pulled a mound of Atkins-related books off of the shelf, downloaded recipes, made weekly menus, even inflicted my eating habits on my husband and a couple of wonderfully supportive friends.
In three weeks, I was underwhelmed, and have just today decided to find a less counter-intuitive method. So, here are the things I learned from Dr Atkins:
So, like Wile E Coyote, it is back to the old drawing board for me. Come along. Let's do this together!
Current weight: 283. Considering the above, I am not too upset about that.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that a handful of the pounds I do not currently weigh were lost during a flirtation with the Atkins diet. One of my doctors suggested Atkins as a way to progress on my weight loss, and I went immediately to the bookstore, pulled a mound of Atkins-related books off of the shelf, downloaded recipes, made weekly menus, even inflicted my eating habits on my husband and a couple of wonderfully supportive friends.
In three weeks, I was underwhelmed, and have just today decided to find a less counter-intuitive method. So, here are the things I learned from Dr Atkins:
1. I am not the carnivore I thought myself capable of being. I like chicken, turkey, and fish, and I really enjoy the occasional steak or pork chop. But I cannot tolerate an all-meat diet.
2. My husband is every bit the carnivore he knew he could be.
3. Fruit is a big part of my diet. I do not see the need to apologize for this. Isn't fruit supposed to be good for you? Isn't a diet supposed to be good for you? Isn't a diet that represents a sustainable lifestyle change supposed to teach you how to eat healthy?
4. I am not interested enough in seeing the fat "melt off of me." Apparently, if I was, I would have really loved and lost on this diet. Que sera sera.
5. I am, in fact, capable of turning away from carbs. I used to swear that my life could never be carbless. I was wrong. I didn't have nearly as much trouble with the carbless thing as I did the fruitless thing, the low-veggie thing, and the low-fiber thing.
6. I have never in my life had as much acid reflux as I had on that diet. And what's worse, I had to find a chewable antacid that didn't add to my daily carb count!!! (There is one, but that's not the point.) I was chewing antacids like they were on the list of approved snacks!!!
So, like Wile E Coyote, it is back to the old drawing board for me. Come along. Let's do this together!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Work it out
Current weight: 281lbs. Current attitude: defiant but optimistic.
(Has it really been a month since I posted?)
I remember the days of leg warmers and terrycloth elastic sweatbands, of Olivia Newton-John singing "Let's Get Physical" and Showtime showing 30-minute workout videos between movies that attracted more porn aficionados than exercise fanatics.
Exercise, the four-letter-word of weight loss, has truly gotten a bad rap over the years. Too many people, encouraged (or discouraged) by repetitive well-meaning diet and medical professionals, have come to think that exercise has to include unflattering spandex, impossible yoga moves, giant torturous balls that drop you on your ass more than flatten it, and machines that make you feel like a hamster in a wheel running for your life while the kids are giggling at you. I am here to impart a little exercise secret, one the tae-bo people don't want getting out:
Exercise is ANYTHING that gets your heart rate up consistently for a 20- to 30-minute time period.
Still seeing visions of pale pink leotards bulging with fat rolls? Well, consider this: when you were a kid, what did you like to do? Run around outside? Swim? Jump rope? Climb a tree? Yes, we may not all be 12 anymore, and our best tree-climbing may be behind us, but think about what you like to do. I am sure you can find a way to do it and raise your heart rate for 20 minutes or so.
As for me, we used to move a great deal when I was growing up. Every time I got a new bedroom, I always meticulously preplanned the furniture arrangements. The bed had to go off to the side and the dresser with the large mirror had to go in front of whatever floorspace I could afford to keep clear. And then there was the stereo, the centerpiece of my layout. My favorite thing to do, for hours sometimes, was to crank up my New Kids on the Block, my Debbie Gibson, Bobby McFerrin, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper, and DANCE. Right there in front of the mirror. Just like Snoopy with his head in the air and his fancy footwork flashing by, I would dance until the air couldn't get into me fast enough. I would choreograph and re-choreograph Paula Abdul songs. I would imagine lights flashing across me, people cheering and laughing with delight at my cutting-edge moves, and applause. I would dance for the love of dancing. I would shake the house.
I was reminded of this recently while attending a concert. I only had a scant 2 or 3 square feet in which to move, but the music moved me, and I danced as best I could in that little space, letting the music move me independently of my will. I yelled in all the right places and sang along. And when the music faded, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest while the endorphins coursed through my blood stream. I remembered how much I used to love this stuff, the music and the dancing. Why was I wasting time on an elliptical machine? I had everything I needed right here, in my arms and legs and ears. And I would enjoy it.
So, go forth into the world, and find what moves you. What makes you move. Ride a bike. Take a walk in a beautiful place. Find a climbing wall. Play with your kids. Dance.
If you can find something that moves you that is also something you love, exercise will cease to be a four-letter-word, and become the best part of your day.
(Has it really been a month since I posted?)
I remember the days of leg warmers and terrycloth elastic sweatbands, of Olivia Newton-John singing "Let's Get Physical" and Showtime showing 30-minute workout videos between movies that attracted more porn aficionados than exercise fanatics.
Exercise, the four-letter-word of weight loss, has truly gotten a bad rap over the years. Too many people, encouraged (or discouraged) by repetitive well-meaning diet and medical professionals, have come to think that exercise has to include unflattering spandex, impossible yoga moves, giant torturous balls that drop you on your ass more than flatten it, and machines that make you feel like a hamster in a wheel running for your life while the kids are giggling at you. I am here to impart a little exercise secret, one the tae-bo people don't want getting out:
Exercise is ANYTHING that gets your heart rate up consistently for a 20- to 30-minute time period.
Still seeing visions of pale pink leotards bulging with fat rolls? Well, consider this: when you were a kid, what did you like to do? Run around outside? Swim? Jump rope? Climb a tree? Yes, we may not all be 12 anymore, and our best tree-climbing may be behind us, but think about what you like to do. I am sure you can find a way to do it and raise your heart rate for 20 minutes or so.
As for me, we used to move a great deal when I was growing up. Every time I got a new bedroom, I always meticulously preplanned the furniture arrangements. The bed had to go off to the side and the dresser with the large mirror had to go in front of whatever floorspace I could afford to keep clear. And then there was the stereo, the centerpiece of my layout. My favorite thing to do, for hours sometimes, was to crank up my New Kids on the Block, my Debbie Gibson, Bobby McFerrin, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper, and DANCE. Right there in front of the mirror. Just like Snoopy with his head in the air and his fancy footwork flashing by, I would dance until the air couldn't get into me fast enough. I would choreograph and re-choreograph Paula Abdul songs. I would imagine lights flashing across me, people cheering and laughing with delight at my cutting-edge moves, and applause. I would dance for the love of dancing. I would shake the house.
I was reminded of this recently while attending a concert. I only had a scant 2 or 3 square feet in which to move, but the music moved me, and I danced as best I could in that little space, letting the music move me independently of my will. I yelled in all the right places and sang along. And when the music faded, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest while the endorphins coursed through my blood stream. I remembered how much I used to love this stuff, the music and the dancing. Why was I wasting time on an elliptical machine? I had everything I needed right here, in my arms and legs and ears. And I would enjoy it.
So, go forth into the world, and find what moves you. What makes you move. Ride a bike. Take a walk in a beautiful place. Find a climbing wall. Play with your kids. Dance.
If you can find something that moves you that is also something you love, exercise will cease to be a four-letter-word, and become the best part of your day.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Falling off
There's usually some attempt at a justification, some reason thrust forward in defense of oneself that is used to ward off the perceived accusations and hide the self-loathing within. As part of the justification, often we say we are still being good, just not as good. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant. Falling off of a diet creates an internal maelstrom that can bring self-persecution to new heights until you find yourself sitting in a pile of empty donut cartons and french fry containers, growling, and blaming the diet for making you this crazy in the first place, for making you hate yourself so much that you have no choice but to eat.
It is a sad, scary, and evil cycle.
I fell off because I went into the hospital twice last month. Really, that was not the reason. Stress was the reason. I mean, I was in the hospital, and my family was having serious problems because of my dad's poor health, and I was losing pay because I was out of work recuperating, and I had to work twice as hard to catch up in school! So much stress! How can anyone stay on a diet when life is like that?
But that is not the reason either.
Why would I fall off of a diet that was working so well? I felt good, I was eating new and exciting foods, I was enjoying seeing the scale dip with every new weigh-in, and I could actually see the beginning of a change that would help me in every conceivable way.
The truth is, I was secretly waiting for an excuse. I just needed a big enough bump in the road to knock me into the Krispy Kreme store near my house. I wanted an excuse to listen to the call of the french fries. I was weak. I was human, but still weak.
I have not regained any weight. That is the good news. I have not reversed too much of the good I did myself (though my stamina at the gym will prove to have suffered when I show my face there again). And I can get back on the wagon.
Every day is a new day. Each new one gives you a chance to start fresh. I will carpe this diem. I will choose myself today. I will get back up and start over. I am ahead of the game, too - I know that what I was doing was working.
I just need to do it some more.
It is a sad, scary, and evil cycle.
I fell off because I went into the hospital twice last month. Really, that was not the reason. Stress was the reason. I mean, I was in the hospital, and my family was having serious problems because of my dad's poor health, and I was losing pay because I was out of work recuperating, and I had to work twice as hard to catch up in school! So much stress! How can anyone stay on a diet when life is like that?
But that is not the reason either.
Why would I fall off of a diet that was working so well? I felt good, I was eating new and exciting foods, I was enjoying seeing the scale dip with every new weigh-in, and I could actually see the beginning of a change that would help me in every conceivable way.
The truth is, I was secretly waiting for an excuse. I just needed a big enough bump in the road to knock me into the Krispy Kreme store near my house. I wanted an excuse to listen to the call of the french fries. I was weak. I was human, but still weak.
I have not regained any weight. That is the good news. I have not reversed too much of the good I did myself (though my stamina at the gym will prove to have suffered when I show my face there again). And I can get back on the wagon.
Every day is a new day. Each new one gives you a chance to start fresh. I will carpe this diem. I will choose myself today. I will get back up and start over. I am ahead of the game, too - I know that what I was doing was working.
I just need to do it some more.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Knock Knock. Who's there? Life.
You can't just shut the door and say, "No way! I am trying to do something good for myself and you are gonna come in here and mess it all up!" No amount of leaning on the door or locking the deadbolts is going to keep life out while you are trying to focus on yourself. And the bad influence life exerts on us is stress. And if you are anything like me (and I expect we all have this in common), stress makes for mad dashes to the pantry, the fridge, the grocery store, McDonald's, Marble Slab Creamery, and many other places that you have been successfully avoiding up to that point.
If only we could keep the door shut. Isolate ourselves, then emerge several months later as from a cocoon, glowing with the confidence of our transformation like some starlet in a hollywood flick about how much better life is for cute skinny blonde girls. Real life sucks. And it loves to dump its suckage right on our front steps.
I wish I had some grand advice on how to handle the desire to stress eat. I succumb to it, even as my internal mom-voice is telling me how well I have been doing, and how much weight I have lost, and how this is going to ruin everything!!! The fact of the matter is, the only potential solution is to reach for veggies or fruits in quantity and try not to focus on the fact that they taste nothing like ice cream, potato chips, or french fries. Just keep telling yourself that if you can think hard enough to remind yourself of that, you are not worrying hard enough. Of course, if we had this much self-control, we would be lounging by a pool somewhere in a bikini instead of having a stress eating crisis.
Life is not going to stop knocking. It will not be ignored, and cannot be shut out. It will happen. And so will slip ups. This is hard work, and if anyone made it seem otherwise, they were trying to get money from you!!! This is like a 12-step program, where you take it day by day.
The important thing to keep in mind is that if you slip, you start again. Don't dive headlong into the bag of Doritos because you already blew the diet for the day. Just have a few, forgive yourself, and get up tomorrow ready to hit the fruits and veggies again. Self-flagellation will accomplish nothing except adding to your stress level. It is a self-propagating cycle. Just let it go. If you let life in and work on yourself anyway, pretty soon you'll get a handle on your reaction, which is all you can really control, after all. So concentrate on yourself, and forgive yourself.
If only we could keep the door shut. Isolate ourselves, then emerge several months later as from a cocoon, glowing with the confidence of our transformation like some starlet in a hollywood flick about how much better life is for cute skinny blonde girls. Real life sucks. And it loves to dump its suckage right on our front steps.
I wish I had some grand advice on how to handle the desire to stress eat. I succumb to it, even as my internal mom-voice is telling me how well I have been doing, and how much weight I have lost, and how this is going to ruin everything!!! The fact of the matter is, the only potential solution is to reach for veggies or fruits in quantity and try not to focus on the fact that they taste nothing like ice cream, potato chips, or french fries. Just keep telling yourself that if you can think hard enough to remind yourself of that, you are not worrying hard enough. Of course, if we had this much self-control, we would be lounging by a pool somewhere in a bikini instead of having a stress eating crisis.
Life is not going to stop knocking. It will not be ignored, and cannot be shut out. It will happen. And so will slip ups. This is hard work, and if anyone made it seem otherwise, they were trying to get money from you!!! This is like a 12-step program, where you take it day by day.
The important thing to keep in mind is that if you slip, you start again. Don't dive headlong into the bag of Doritos because you already blew the diet for the day. Just have a few, forgive yourself, and get up tomorrow ready to hit the fruits and veggies again. Self-flagellation will accomplish nothing except adding to your stress level. It is a self-propagating cycle. Just let it go. If you let life in and work on yourself anyway, pretty soon you'll get a handle on your reaction, which is all you can really control, after all. So concentrate on yourself, and forgive yourself.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Making Peace with your Diet
Current weight: don't know :(
When you are watching what you eat, so much can go wrong. We are truly our own worst enemies, sometimes tripping ourselves up out of weakness. People may scoff, but doughnuts really can talk, and they can be mean little buggers. Along with their friends cake and pie, ice cream, and pizza. We are occasionally helpless to drown out the words they whisper to us, the soothing promises like "one won't hurt!" and "you can exercise a little extra to make up for it!" Make no mistake, these little bastards are more silver-tongued than the worst creature of night ever thought to be. And we are easy prey.
Not every setback on a diet is a product of weakness, though. Life often rears up and plants us on our ass and we are just helpless to fight. This kind of setback can arrest our development in all kinds of endeavors, but it is particularly difficult to accept when we are actually doing something good for ourselves and, miraculously, doing it well. For instance, landing in the hospital for three days. Life really ought to have to ask for permission before throwing up a brick wall like that in the way of personal progress. At first, all seems well, as you sit in a bed and find yourself unable to eat or drink much. You think, I am really gonna lose weight this way!! I oughtta do this more often!! But as the docs start to look for progress, and they hound you to eat, you realize that you are stuck eating the crap that they bring you on the trays, and it's usually pasta or fatty meats, foods high in the protein necessary for healing but loaded with calories.
Now, it is easy to say well, yeah, but you need calories when you are fighting infection and healing. And you'd be right. But, damnit, I was doing well! I was enjoying the knowledge of my own success, however premature! And now they want me to eat pasta and meat and pudding and stuff! I could almost feel the excitement in each of my little fat cells as they anticipated their growth after such lean weeks.
But the mind is a funny little thing. There I sat, worrying about a backslide stemming from a medical situation in my body. Why was I dieting in the first place? For my health. What purpose did that serve if, in a time of need, I denied myself what I needed to get well enough to resume my exercise routines? Well, none. And like a curtain being pulled back, my mind opened up to the possibilities in front of me. I could not control what had happened to my body, but I could control how I responded to it. A day or two of real food was what my body needed, and in the supplying of that need, I might as well enjoy some forbidden foods. For my body's sake, strictly, of course.
Determination is a good thing, and success is a potent drug all in itself, but if I'm trying to do what's best for my body, I cannot ignore a need just because it doesn't fit my plans. Today, I am back on my diet. But yesterday? I called my mom and had her bring me gyros from a local restaurant so we could picnic in my hospital room. It was heavenly.
When you are watching what you eat, so much can go wrong. We are truly our own worst enemies, sometimes tripping ourselves up out of weakness. People may scoff, but doughnuts really can talk, and they can be mean little buggers. Along with their friends cake and pie, ice cream, and pizza. We are occasionally helpless to drown out the words they whisper to us, the soothing promises like "one won't hurt!" and "you can exercise a little extra to make up for it!" Make no mistake, these little bastards are more silver-tongued than the worst creature of night ever thought to be. And we are easy prey.
Not every setback on a diet is a product of weakness, though. Life often rears up and plants us on our ass and we are just helpless to fight. This kind of setback can arrest our development in all kinds of endeavors, but it is particularly difficult to accept when we are actually doing something good for ourselves and, miraculously, doing it well. For instance, landing in the hospital for three days. Life really ought to have to ask for permission before throwing up a brick wall like that in the way of personal progress. At first, all seems well, as you sit in a bed and find yourself unable to eat or drink much. You think, I am really gonna lose weight this way!! I oughtta do this more often!! But as the docs start to look for progress, and they hound you to eat, you realize that you are stuck eating the crap that they bring you on the trays, and it's usually pasta or fatty meats, foods high in the protein necessary for healing but loaded with calories.
Now, it is easy to say well, yeah, but you need calories when you are fighting infection and healing. And you'd be right. But, damnit, I was doing well! I was enjoying the knowledge of my own success, however premature! And now they want me to eat pasta and meat and pudding and stuff! I could almost feel the excitement in each of my little fat cells as they anticipated their growth after such lean weeks.
But the mind is a funny little thing. There I sat, worrying about a backslide stemming from a medical situation in my body. Why was I dieting in the first place? For my health. What purpose did that serve if, in a time of need, I denied myself what I needed to get well enough to resume my exercise routines? Well, none. And like a curtain being pulled back, my mind opened up to the possibilities in front of me. I could not control what had happened to my body, but I could control how I responded to it. A day or two of real food was what my body needed, and in the supplying of that need, I might as well enjoy some forbidden foods. For my body's sake, strictly, of course.
Determination is a good thing, and success is a potent drug all in itself, but if I'm trying to do what's best for my body, I cannot ignore a need just because it doesn't fit my plans. Today, I am back on my diet. But yesterday? I called my mom and had her bring me gyros from a local restaurant so we could picnic in my hospital room. It was heavenly.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Sharing
I am not one to sit around in a room and "share." I have no interest in sitting around talking about the itemized list of foods I wanted to eat but couldn't, shouldn't have eaten but did, or probably will eat tomorrow. I think that weight loss is a very difficult and very personal experience. (So is weight gain, except for the difficult part!) That being said, I do think there is a benefit in being able to talk over the things we want, the things we fear, the ways we keep ourselves on track. I think that knowing that you are not in fact disrupting your prior existence in a vacuum is a good thing, and we all need a little nudge every once in a while just so we know someone else is in the room, too. Of course, that is true for all kinds of situations in life.
One way I am making myself stick with it is by being creative, as I have said before. I want to share the things I find that work for me, and you can take or leave it (all two? of you) for what it is worth. Like mustard! Oh happy day! I am a budding connoisseur of mustard. It is so low-cal! And it has such an ability to create flavor! I mean, the problem with most low-cal healthy foods is the lack of flavor and variety. Mustard has become my new best bud! I have created a tuna salad variation using spicy brown mustard that I wrap in a low-carb tortilla with lettuce shreds, and I don't feel cheated at all at lunch! I use it on Subway sandwiches when I am eating out to give me some flavor, and I also use their red wine vinegar to keep the sandwich from being too dry. Both are nearly calorie free. I use Dijon mustard on chicken with a sprinkling of parmesan (the kind from the green can) for a light crust, bake it, then broil it to brown it on top, and it is nummy!! I want to start trying it in marinades. Another thing that I have gotten into as a saving grace: while they are not completely cal-free, dry spices are a wonderful way to spice up boring foods without adding oils or calories.
So, let's go around the room, and each of you share something you have found that has become your saving grace. You on the left, you go first.
One way I am making myself stick with it is by being creative, as I have said before. I want to share the things I find that work for me, and you can take or leave it (all two? of you) for what it is worth. Like mustard! Oh happy day! I am a budding connoisseur of mustard. It is so low-cal! And it has such an ability to create flavor! I mean, the problem with most low-cal healthy foods is the lack of flavor and variety. Mustard has become my new best bud! I have created a tuna salad variation using spicy brown mustard that I wrap in a low-carb tortilla with lettuce shreds, and I don't feel cheated at all at lunch! I use it on Subway sandwiches when I am eating out to give me some flavor, and I also use their red wine vinegar to keep the sandwich from being too dry. Both are nearly calorie free. I use Dijon mustard on chicken with a sprinkling of parmesan (the kind from the green can) for a light crust, bake it, then broil it to brown it on top, and it is nummy!! I want to start trying it in marinades. Another thing that I have gotten into as a saving grace: while they are not completely cal-free, dry spices are a wonderful way to spice up boring foods without adding oils or calories.
So, let's go around the room, and each of you share something you have found that has become your saving grace. You on the left, you go first.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Forget "Hungry"
Current weight: 285
Weight Watchers has a new ad campaign that is really cute. In it, hunger is personified by a fuzzy orange guy who might just create some uncomfortable copyright conversations with the Warner Bros. people over their Big Red Monster except that he is small and orange. The idea is that they will help you fight "Hunger." Well, I have some news for the folks at Weight Watchers: hunger is not the problem. If I was only eating because I was hungry, I would not be so fat. Hunger is a physiological response. The problem is psychological. Boredom, stress, obsession, these are the culprits. I can just imagine the cute little guys they'd come up with to represent these and slap around in their commercials.
Stress is a big one for me. I am a huge stress eater, and I have an often-stressful job. One where people tend to drop off goodies all the time for the staff. How am I supposed to defend myself against an onslaught of doughnuts, cookies, cakes, and pizza (a particular downfall)? As Murphy's Law clearly dictates, the minute you go on a diet (or a dietary re-training, as my hubby and I sometimes call it), people will throw free goodies at you and they will open a Dunkin Donuts in your town for the first time in over ten years. No, really, I just discovered that they did open a Dunkin Donuts here, and I am such a sucker for the sugared raised donuts from there. I prefer them to Krispy Kreme. And recently at work there was free pizza for everyone. I actually was good, went off alone to eat lunch, and as fate would have it, there on TV was a luscious Pizza Hut commercial. I felt beset at every turn. But I managed to persevere.
Society is not geared toward being helpful to those of us who need help with our food issues. Try late night TV. Don't the fast food commercials make you wanna grab your keys and drive through the wall in the side of the kitchen at McDonald's so you can bury your face in a basket of fresh fries? Try shopping healthier at the grocery store. You will see a palpable increase in your bill. The high cal foods are cheaper and easier to make and market. Billboards, special occasions, radio programs sponsored by local restaurants, local festivals with funnel cake and greasy food stands... all conspire to remind us of what we are supposed to deny ourselves.
The temptation to stay in doors and sequester yourself from the world is huge! But part of the process is supposed to be learning how to exist in this fatty world, how to find something in yourself that is worth more than that temporary satisfaction of french fries, so that you will be able to maintain once you reach your goal. And I am here to say, it is possible. I have seen it done, though not necessarily easily, by my mother. She still struggles, even though her appetite has whittled itself down to a tiny version of its former self. She loves to tell me that when it comes to ice cream (a weakness of mine also), she figures she might as well just literally rub it on each hip and wear it around, because that is where it will end up. I always laugh, envisioning her with soaking wet vanilla-coated jeans traipsing through the grocery store. Sometimes the image is even disturbing enough to stop me from grabbing the ice cream. But not often.
So what is the answer? Well, we are our own answer. Food is not the enemy, it is our executioner. We are worth more than the McDonald's fries. I can envision how happy I would be being able to shop for clothes in a regular-size section, where they keep the really pretty stuff that I crave, and that makes me feel like I can do this. It is not always the balm to soothe my deprived soul, but it works well enough. I want to be able to breathe better after climbing flights of stairs. I want to not have to worry about the spectre of diabetes that runs in my family. I want to be around long enough to see the next generation take over messing up the world from us. I have much more trouble to cause. And when it comes to self-destruction, I am so capable of doing that in so many better and more fun ways!
Weight Watchers has a new ad campaign that is really cute. In it, hunger is personified by a fuzzy orange guy who might just create some uncomfortable copyright conversations with the Warner Bros. people over their Big Red Monster except that he is small and orange. The idea is that they will help you fight "Hunger." Well, I have some news for the folks at Weight Watchers: hunger is not the problem. If I was only eating because I was hungry, I would not be so fat. Hunger is a physiological response. The problem is psychological. Boredom, stress, obsession, these are the culprits. I can just imagine the cute little guys they'd come up with to represent these and slap around in their commercials.
Stress is a big one for me. I am a huge stress eater, and I have an often-stressful job. One where people tend to drop off goodies all the time for the staff. How am I supposed to defend myself against an onslaught of doughnuts, cookies, cakes, and pizza (a particular downfall)? As Murphy's Law clearly dictates, the minute you go on a diet (or a dietary re-training, as my hubby and I sometimes call it), people will throw free goodies at you and they will open a Dunkin Donuts in your town for the first time in over ten years. No, really, I just discovered that they did open a Dunkin Donuts here, and I am such a sucker for the sugared raised donuts from there. I prefer them to Krispy Kreme. And recently at work there was free pizza for everyone. I actually was good, went off alone to eat lunch, and as fate would have it, there on TV was a luscious Pizza Hut commercial. I felt beset at every turn. But I managed to persevere.
Society is not geared toward being helpful to those of us who need help with our food issues. Try late night TV. Don't the fast food commercials make you wanna grab your keys and drive through the wall in the side of the kitchen at McDonald's so you can bury your face in a basket of fresh fries? Try shopping healthier at the grocery store. You will see a palpable increase in your bill. The high cal foods are cheaper and easier to make and market. Billboards, special occasions, radio programs sponsored by local restaurants, local festivals with funnel cake and greasy food stands... all conspire to remind us of what we are supposed to deny ourselves.
The temptation to stay in doors and sequester yourself from the world is huge! But part of the process is supposed to be learning how to exist in this fatty world, how to find something in yourself that is worth more than that temporary satisfaction of french fries, so that you will be able to maintain once you reach your goal. And I am here to say, it is possible. I have seen it done, though not necessarily easily, by my mother. She still struggles, even though her appetite has whittled itself down to a tiny version of its former self. She loves to tell me that when it comes to ice cream (a weakness of mine also), she figures she might as well just literally rub it on each hip and wear it around, because that is where it will end up. I always laugh, envisioning her with soaking wet vanilla-coated jeans traipsing through the grocery store. Sometimes the image is even disturbing enough to stop me from grabbing the ice cream. But not often.
So what is the answer? Well, we are our own answer. Food is not the enemy, it is our executioner. We are worth more than the McDonald's fries. I can envision how happy I would be being able to shop for clothes in a regular-size section, where they keep the really pretty stuff that I crave, and that makes me feel like I can do this. It is not always the balm to soothe my deprived soul, but it works well enough. I want to be able to breathe better after climbing flights of stairs. I want to not have to worry about the spectre of diabetes that runs in my family. I want to be around long enough to see the next generation take over messing up the world from us. I have much more trouble to cause. And when it comes to self-destruction, I am so capable of doing that in so many better and more fun ways!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Second Verse, Same as the First!!
So, here we go again. I didn't gain any weight in the interim here, miraculous enough because of the holidays and the stress of personal stuff, but I did fall off of the wagon. This is something that seems to just go along with this endeavor - slip ups that sometimes take much time to recover from. But the new year was my deadline. It is not a resolution, because I don't much believe in them and feel that anything you want to do, you do, whether or not it is a proscribed time to announce your intentions. I am simply intent upon doing something that needs to be done, and having it happen now.
Current weight: 287lbs.
That is after a week of my resurgence into this. I have started watching my calories again, and my gym membership is getting a workout. I am starting off easy, I guess, with just some low-rep weight-lifting and elliptical sessions. But I am doing them as often as possible, which so far has managed to be four times in a week. There is no reason why it cannot continue. So away we go.
I find that one of the keys to watching calories for someone who thinks about food frequently is to present a creative problem to solve, involving food, and allow that to be the aspect that consumes thoughts. So I am learning to cook fish. I have not previously cooked fish, and have wanted to for some time, so I am looking at several recipes to see ways in which fish preparation is handled, what types of seasonings seem preferred, and what kinds of fish are which. Funny part of this is I live in an area where obtaining really fresh fish is a snap, so you would think I would have done this long ago. But my family was a red-meat tribe, as is my hubby's, so even introducing more poultry has proven to be a fight. I love seafood, however, and am enjoying teaching myself how to handle fish. I made some tilapia last week for the hubby and me, and it turned out well. It was not a complicated dish, by any means. I think the fish could have been a bit less... soggy, but he was gracious enough not to mention it, and I was hungry enough not to care. I will get there.
Another challenge I have specifically issued myself is to increase my intake of fresh fruits and veggies. That is going to require some expansion of produce horizons, because woman cannot exist on baby carrots and red delicious apples alone. Well, maybe she could, but she prefers variety, and that is just setting herself up for failure. So I have befriended the mango, and been lucky enough to find some accommodating cantaloupes, and am eyeing the pomegranates, waiting to get my nerve up to try them. Maybe papaya, as well. Also, I must watch out for seeds because of my own internal limitations, so this fresh produce mission has me preoccupied as well, which is always a good thing. If you are gonna obsess about food, let it be in a productive way, I say.
So I am on a great track right now. Slowly replacing the bad foods in my fridge and pantry with ones I am allowed to have. Who knows? I may end up actually being healthy at the end of this. I have also found a handy little tool, a calorie counting website called, predictably, caloriecount.about.com. I can plug in the foods I eat through the day, any exercise I do, and it will generate reports about my dietary intake, including letter grades for how nourishing the food is and guidelines for healthier eating. I also can track my weight and my goals for weight loss, and it makes little graphs to please the visual stimulatory centers of the brain. Handy, and easy, and useful. So there we go.
So, I have my feet planted, a sound strategy, and tools to help me get where I wanna go. Time to run with it.
Current weight: 287lbs.
That is after a week of my resurgence into this. I have started watching my calories again, and my gym membership is getting a workout. I am starting off easy, I guess, with just some low-rep weight-lifting and elliptical sessions. But I am doing them as often as possible, which so far has managed to be four times in a week. There is no reason why it cannot continue. So away we go.
I find that one of the keys to watching calories for someone who thinks about food frequently is to present a creative problem to solve, involving food, and allow that to be the aspect that consumes thoughts. So I am learning to cook fish. I have not previously cooked fish, and have wanted to for some time, so I am looking at several recipes to see ways in which fish preparation is handled, what types of seasonings seem preferred, and what kinds of fish are which. Funny part of this is I live in an area where obtaining really fresh fish is a snap, so you would think I would have done this long ago. But my family was a red-meat tribe, as is my hubby's, so even introducing more poultry has proven to be a fight. I love seafood, however, and am enjoying teaching myself how to handle fish. I made some tilapia last week for the hubby and me, and it turned out well. It was not a complicated dish, by any means. I think the fish could have been a bit less... soggy, but he was gracious enough not to mention it, and I was hungry enough not to care. I will get there.
Another challenge I have specifically issued myself is to increase my intake of fresh fruits and veggies. That is going to require some expansion of produce horizons, because woman cannot exist on baby carrots and red delicious apples alone. Well, maybe she could, but she prefers variety, and that is just setting herself up for failure. So I have befriended the mango, and been lucky enough to find some accommodating cantaloupes, and am eyeing the pomegranates, waiting to get my nerve up to try them. Maybe papaya, as well. Also, I must watch out for seeds because of my own internal limitations, so this fresh produce mission has me preoccupied as well, which is always a good thing. If you are gonna obsess about food, let it be in a productive way, I say.
So I am on a great track right now. Slowly replacing the bad foods in my fridge and pantry with ones I am allowed to have. Who knows? I may end up actually being healthy at the end of this. I have also found a handy little tool, a calorie counting website called, predictably, caloriecount.about.com. I can plug in the foods I eat through the day, any exercise I do, and it will generate reports about my dietary intake, including letter grades for how nourishing the food is and guidelines for healthier eating. I also can track my weight and my goals for weight loss, and it makes little graphs to please the visual stimulatory centers of the brain. Handy, and easy, and useful. So there we go.
So, I have my feet planted, a sound strategy, and tools to help me get where I wanna go. Time to run with it.
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